RIP Mom

Wow, how quickly things can change. 2 days ago we were supposed to bring my mom home. That got postponed because we had to change some of her medications and get more help, so yesterday at 3 the ambulance was to pick her up from the hospital to bring her home. At 1:42 my brother, nephew and I sat by her side while my mom passed away. She was peaceful. And now she is completely not in pain, she will no longer struggle to breathe. It's heartbreaking though. It's a bittersweet situation. I hate realizing that she won't be there when we have our first child, for my nephews graduation, any important moments in life. As much as we argued I will miss not having her to call to talk, for her input. I saved a recent message of hers. She rarely would call without medical questions, but this message was a simple "I love you, hope you're having a good time." Something touched me about that, and I'm so glad I will have that saved, and I can always dial a few numbers to hear her say I love you. This photo is from earier in the week, my mom all hopped up on drugs trying to figure out if the straw would fit on her face like she thought it should. Turns out she decided it didn't.

Christmas and all the joys of the season

It's been a crazy couple weeks, lots going on, lots of decisions to have to make. I have not made it through a single day without crying at least once, but it's usually more. We are bringing my mom home to our house on hospice today. I'm scared. I'm overwhelmed and nervous about this will affect our lives. I feel selfish for that, but it's a reality I have to think of. She's a strong woman so I can't help but think she'll last quite a few months, but yet, she's been so weak and has had no appetite, and without food and water your body can't go on long. I just wish I could predict the future and plan accordingly. We've planned on going to WA for Christmas. I'm looking forward to it, but am terrified at the same time. We need the break, Derek needs to see his family right now, but I am so worried that I might be making the wrong decision, that something may happen when we're gone. Who knows. Guess we're just going to take it one day at a time.
We put up our Christmas tree and got some decorations going, and we welcomed the holiday season with our annual Disneyland holiday trip. It was good fun, getting older 7 hour days at Disneyland are way too long! But we stuck it out and watched the fireworks and I cried as White Christmas started playing while California snow fell on heads. That song just gives me chills. Something about that rendition just gets me. That's been us. Looking forward to what our lives hold in store for us.